Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
