How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize