Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
