i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
