i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
