You're completely useless in the revolution.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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