I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
