that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
