Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
