how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
