This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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