even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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