I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
