so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
