I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
