It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
