THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dear god my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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