Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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