look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
