why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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