the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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