I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
