Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
