Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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