when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just pee around me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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