when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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