Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
