no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
tell me about the eggs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
