Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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