Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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