Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this is an emotional support booty call
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He shit in the fireplace
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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