the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize