I just gift wrapped bread.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
