I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
