I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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