So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
