Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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