i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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