Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
