Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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