She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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