is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
