In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
