Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
