so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
