I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
