why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
