Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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