The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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