where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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