Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
