plz talk dirty to me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
