Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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