dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
