how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
