Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize