upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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