I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
