I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
