now i know why i became what i already was.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
