It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
