Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
