I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
