420 ftw
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
