He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
