hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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