if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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